JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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