my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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