I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
