She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
