I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
