I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
