I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Semen is not good for contacts.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
