I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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