so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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