He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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