There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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