But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
