I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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