bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
