Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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