I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
