whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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