k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
