her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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