In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
