Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
