bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
