Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
