I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
