she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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