and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
