its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
