Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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