I just threw up on my dentist
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
