Define "chronic" masturbator.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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