I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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