my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
