he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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