Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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