The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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