I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It's Friday. Sex?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
