I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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