if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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