I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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