No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
