Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
sarcasm needs its own font
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
