you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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