Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
When are your genitals available?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
