he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
