I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Acid is not a monday night drug
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
