i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
