I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
