so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
