At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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