Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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