Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
