She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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