My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
