With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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