Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
