Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
