I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
