I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So here I am, sexting at work.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
