I am in a vortex of obligation.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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