Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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