just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
