i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
