at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
