seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
