you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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