I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
