I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
