I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
