My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
