We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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