I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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