The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
